Tonight's ECW comes to us live from the 1st Mariner Arena in Baltimore, MD as Joey Styles and Tazz welcome us to the show. We open the show with Paul Heyman making his way to the ring. The ECW GM invites two of his newest acquisitions, Father James Mitchell and the Monster, Abyss to the ring. Heyman tells them that he admires their desire to make an impact (wink, wink) in their debut last week.
Heyman tells Mitchell that we wants to demonstrate just how much of a monster Abyss truly is and books him to compete in a traditional ECW Falls Count Anywhere Match against one of the most vicious competitors to ever step in an ECW ring. Heyman tells him that match starts right now, and out charges the Man-Beast RHYNO. Rhyno walks with a purpose, with a raging glare set to kill.
ABYSS def. RHYNO in a ECW FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE MATCH
Solid ten minute match with both men beating the living hell out of each other. Rhyno struck with countless chair shots, a Rhyno Driver through a table and a GORE through a plate glass window in the lobby. Abyss answered back with Shock Treatment on the arena floor and a Black Hole Slam through another plate glass slab at ringside for the win.
Backstage with Sandman conversing with staff when Tommy Dreamer confronts him on the ditch job during last week's Tag Team Turmoil Match. Sandman tells Dreamer that it was really simple. Every man has his limit when it comes to patience and Sandman says he got tired of carrying Dreamer every time they teamed up. An incensed Dreamer tells Sandman that at Extreme Rules he'll have no problem carrying Sandman, when he's carrying his sorry ass up the ladder to knock his drunken ass back down. Dreamer issues a challenge to Sandman for a Stairway to Hell Match and Sandman quickly accepts. Sandman and Dreamer have an intense staredown when Heyman convenes on the situation.
Heyman tells them that one of them may yet have the chance to compete twice that evening, because in tonight's main event, he's playing host to an ECW Originals Showcase, with the winner joining John Morrison and Kane in the Singapore Cane Match for the ECW Championship. Dreamer and Sandman will be competing tonight against RAVEN, RHYNO, SABU...AND CACTUS JACK. Heyman walks away as we go to commercial.
Back from break and we get a video package hyping Morrison and Kane for the ECW Title, which will now feature at least one ECW Original.
We go back to the ring and The Colony is in the ring, annoying the fans with their antics and cutting a promo on how they're all highly intelligent beings. Green Ant says they'll be the pride of the Ant Hill when they put RYBACK away tonight. Ryback comes marching out and the “match” is about to get under way.
RYBACK def. THE COLONY in a 5-on-1 Handicap Match
Match starts with Soldier Ant, Carpenter Ant, Green Ant and Worker Ant all taking one limb respectively and setting up Fire Ant for Ants Go Marching, but Ryback simply pulls his arms and legs forward, resulting in a quadruple noggin-knocker. As Fire Ant scales to the top rope, Ryback picks up Carpenter Ant and chucks him at Fire Ant like a lawn dart, sending both crashing into the barricade.
Ryback kicks Green Ant’s head off his shoulders with a big boot, destroys Worker Ant with a spinebuster that would make Arn Anderson proud and nearly decapitates Soldier Ant with a brutal clothesline. Bodies lying all around him, Ryback waits for a woozy Fire Ant and Carpenter Ant to roll back into the ring. Ryback sets Carpenter Ant and Fire Ant up for Shell Shocked, then rethinks his strategy.
In an astonishing feat of strength, Ryback hooks up Green Ant, Soldier Ant AND Worker Ant and proceeds to march around the ring will all of them, all 862 pounds of them, and DRILLS them into the canvas. Ryback piles carcass after carcass on top of one another before making the cover and getting the impressive three count. After the match, Ryback bobs his head to the beat, screams “FEED ME MOAR” and we cut backstage to see that Hardcore Holly and The Briscoes had some sort of wager on the contest.
We get a teaser for tonight’s main event, where ONE ECW Original will get an opportunity to join Kane and John Morrison in the Singapore Cane Match for the ECW Championship at Extreme Rules. We go to commercial.
Back from break and Spike Dudley is in the ring, pleading his case for another chance at the Cruiserweight Championship Match at Extreme Rules, due to Abyss’ interference in the match last week. Heyman pops up on the titantron and promises to give him a chance if he just stops complaining. Heyman says he doesn’t reward people who whine and bitch about his fairness policy, they have to earn their spot in the ring. Heyman tells Spike he’ll give him another whack at it provided he beat a returning ECW Alumni. As “Loser” by Beck blasts through the speakers, Spike Dudley now has a chance to get back in good position by defeating Mikey Whipwreck.
MIKEY WHIPWRECK def. SPIKE DUDLEY after interference by ABYSS, TAJIRI and KEVIN THORN
Another high-flying match with high spots and near falls left and right. Finish comes as Spike sets up Mikey for an Acid Drop. Father James Mitchell arrives on the stage with Abyss in tow. The ref isn’t having it and runs from the ring to chase the duo back to the dressing room.
The distraction is enough though. As the ref is hurrying Mitchell and Abyss to the back, Kevin Thorn and Tajiri convene on the ring. Thorn spits blood in Spike’s face and Tajiri follows up with Poison Mist and a Buzzsaw Kick. Thorn and Tajiri jump back through the crowd and the ref returns to the ring just in time to see Whipwreck cap it off with a Whippersnapper for the duke.
After the match, all four return to the ring to administer a beating, the likes of which Spike has never experienced. Mitchell calls off the troops and puts the ECW Locker Room on notice that he has once again re-formed the Unholy Alliance.
Paul Heyman emerges and tells Abyss that he’s clearly still in a fighting mood and believes he has a cure for that. Heyman tells the Alliance that tonight was pick your poison night for the ECW Champion and his #1 contender, and tells Abyss that he has been chosen. The ringposts burst into flames as KANE storms down to ringside. The Big Red Monster fights off the entire Unholy Alliance, forcing Abyss into retreat. A Clash of the Monsters is coming up as we head to break.
KANE def. ABYSS
A brutal battle. Finish comes as Kane shifts his weight to escape Shock Treatment and plants Abyss with a Chokeslam from Hell. Kane throws the steel steps into the ring and puts Abyss away with a Tombstone on the steel for the win. The Devil’s Favorite Demon looks absolutely UNSTOPPABLE as we draw closer to Extreme Rules.
We get another promo for The Originals’ Showcase later on in the main event.
Heyman is interrupted in his office by Paul and Katie Lea Burchill. Both feel cheated by the outcome of their respective qualifying matches last week and demand the same reparation afforded to Spike Dudley. Heyman relents, but clearly has devised a scheme. Paul E. tells The Burchills that he’s giving them a shot to work out their aggressions in the ring tonight in mixed-tag action. We go to commercial with the match up next.
Back from break and we’re back in the ring with the Burchills awaiting their opponents. Bob Artese makes the intros and announces the following contest as a CHAIRS MATCH. Out first is SARA DEL RAY, then her partner--KEVIN STEEN.
KEVIN STEEN and SARA DEL RAY def. PAUL AND KATIE LEA BURCHILL
Violent contest from the opening bell. The Burchills both took about ten to twelve chair shots and had a hard time keeping their feet by match’s end. Steen opened a serious gash over Paul Burchill’s left eye. Match ends with a simultaneous Royal Butterfly and Steenalizer for the double pinfall.
We go backstage with the ever busy Paul Heyman trying to keep pace with his much larger competitors on RAW and Smackdown! (and doing a damn good job I might add) before being interrupted yet again, this time by Jack Swagger. Swagger is LIVID regarding the finish to the #1 contenders match last week and demands to be put in a match tonight with the ECW Champion for his involvement in the decision. Paul apologizes and tells Swagger that Morrison has already had another opponent chosen for him tonight, but tells him if he wants a match, he has someone lined up for him, someone who’s just ITCHING to fight. Heyman can’t remove the evil grin from his face tonight as we go back to commercial.
Back from break and Swagger is going through his pre-match ritual, OOZING confidence. That is, until “Big Balls” blares through the PA system. Paul Heyman has re-signed BALLS MAHONEY as the Chair-Swinging Freak lumbers to the ring to a THUNDEROUS ECW pop carrying a chair labeled “THIS IS THE ONLY SWAGGER I NEED”.
BALLS MAHONEY def. JACK SWAGGER
Solid, back and forth ten minute match. Swagger dominates early with several body tackles and amateur background. Swagger attempts a Gutwrench Powerbomb, but Balls very nimbly lands on his feet and comes back with a Ball Breaker for two. Swagger attempts a Swagger Bomb, but Balls captures him mid-leap and delivers an Avalanche Nutcracker Suite onto a steel chair for the win.
After the match, Balls snags his chair and attempts to go Balls to the Wall, but Swagger drops to the floor and locks Mahoney into an Ankle Lock. Swagger stomps away and takes the chair before wearing Mahoney out with it. The All-American American taps into his dark side, sandwiching Balls’ ankle in the chair and stomping on it. Swagger locks the Ankle Lock back in until officials have to come in to stop the onslaught. EMT’s have to help Mahoney to the back as Swagger stands defiant in the ring, lip busted open and arm raising chair above his head as we go to break.
Back from commercial as ECW Champion heads down to the ring for his Pick Your Poison Match. Unfortunately for Morrison, Kane picked the most insurmountable opponent he could get his hooks into.
BIG SHOW def. JOHN MORRISON IN A NON-TITLE MATCH
Morrison put up a respectable fight, even taking Big Show off of his feet with a series of four flying chucks, all from opposite sides of the ring. Finish came as Morrison went to execute Starship Pain and landed it. As it happens though, Big Show captured him on the landing and plants him with a Showstopper. Show picks the prone champion back up and clobbers him with the WMD for the win.
Show grabs the mic and tells Heyman that he has one week to do something about the fact that he’s not booked for Extreme Rules. Show picks up Morrison and hits him again with the WMD before leaving the ring.
We get another promo for the ECW Originals’ Showcase coming up next as we go to our final break.
SABU def. CACTUS JACK, TOMMY DREAMER, SANDMAN, RHYNO and RAVEN to win a spot in the SINGAPORE CANE MATCH at EXTREME RULES
In short, the main event was a Demolition Derby. With Dreamer battling a concussion and separated shoulder from last week and Rhyno still recuperating from the vicious beating he took at the hands of Abyss earlier in the evening, only Foley, Sabu, Sandman and Raven came into this match 100%. None left that way.
Finish came with Dreamer laid out on the stage and Rhyno and Raven lying in shambles and splinters following a Gore through a table. Sabu somehow got a hold of both Sandman’s Kendo Stick and Barbie, driving the wire directly into Sandman’s skull before burying the bat in Cactus’ ribs. Sabu secures the victory following an Arabian Facebuster through a table onto Rhyno for the victory.
After the match, Kane shows up on the ramp and heads down to the ring to exchange blows with the Homicidal Maniac. Kane sets up for the Chokeslam from Hell, but Sabu BITES Kane on the wrist, forcing him to release the hold and proceeds to work over The Big Red Monster with a Singapore Cane, lashing the back, a few raps to the temple and to the back of both knees before throwing a chair at his face in the way only Sabu can. Kane rolls into a retreat as Sabu brandishes the Kendo Stick in the ring as ECW goes off the air.
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